


Santa, The Reindeer, The Elf, and The Eyesore

by CherryBlueJeans



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: But they're all OUR little shits, Christmas, F/M, Gen, Holidays, Kinda get together, Lily makes points, Pure unedited marauders holiday randomness, So take that as you will, Someone teach Sirius how writing works, This was written and posted the same night, When I say unedited I mean the only thing right about this is grammar, and honestly I probably messed that up too :), on further inspection hours later while even further sleep deprived, they're all little shits, this is more like a weird crackfic than anything I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28231731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryBlueJeans/pseuds/CherryBlueJeans
Summary: What do deers become in the winter? Why is there a dog wearing a Santa suit? And, Lupin, what the hell is that sweater?!
Relationships: (slight) Lily Evans/James Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Santa, The Reindeer, The Elf, and The Eyesore

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I haven't had time to really write anything of real substance but I was itching to write something, so I wrote this and decided to post it. I have been writing a few other stories with a lot of time put into editing, plot, dialogue, etc. But, this isn't one of those (if you couldn't already tell). Hopefully I'll have a bit of time to write during the upcoming winter break.  
> Anyways, I hope you all have a happy holiday season!

To say that the marauders were exuberant in their festivities was an understatement to say the least. They weren’t just the decorating committee- they were the ones who _suggested_ a decorating committee. Everyone had been forced up to their various dorms while the four boys turned the entire common room into a shit hole and then to something semi-holiday-ish.

“Prongs, this year you need to figure out the theme,” Sirius told him. He held a folded over notebook and tapped a pen against his chin. The notebook was empty (and so was the pen), but that didn’t matter much. It made him look intimidating, and the raspiness from smoking made him _sound_ intimidating, the height only added to his intimidating-ness that got things done.

  
“Red and green. Easy, festive, and we don’t have to transfigure any of the ornaments!” He said practically radiating glee from being able to half-ass-it like Peter had got away with. The prospect of finishing in 20 seconds flat and then harassing all of the people actually working sounded like fun.

  
“No. It’s lazy and overdone. I want fresh, I want new! I want something... living. I want this common room to not just be a common room- but an exhibit!”

“Sirius, no,” Remus told him. He was beginning to get scared. None of Sirius’ big plans ever went- well, according to plan. The spare room in the dungeons with a gaping hole proved that much (though he had to give Sirius credit- at least he didn’t blow up the potions classroom).

  
“Yeah, Sirius- _no_ ,” James said with a smirk on his lips. Half-assed holiday here he comes, honestly, it’s only fair. He gives the best gifts _and_ he always remembers to bring his dad’s sweets back after the break each year (he would bring something of his mum’s but she was genuinely horrible at baking, even she admitted that much).

“Yes, Sirius, yes!” Sirius shouted to himself, pretending to jot something down in the notebook.

  
Peter’s eyes were so wide it looked as if they would pop out of his head if they got any bigger.

  
“Hey, this is a democracy! It’s three against one!” James yelled up at his friend, coming to stand next to him.

  
“No it’s not, because Peter never voted and more importantly- because I’m the king of marauders Christmases.”

  
“I say down with the monarchy! Whose with me?!”

  
“Me.” Remus laid back on the couch exhaustedly.

  
“I, well- I um…”

  
“C’mon, Peter, I don’t bite.” Sirius said, baring his teeth.

  
“Oh, don’t listen to him. Think about all the marvelous cookies and cakes and brownies and candy and tarts-”

  
“I’m with James, Sirius.” Peter said.

  
“Fine then, I see how it is. Side with the damn reindeer.” Sirius rolled his eyes before plopping down next to Remus.

“The what?” James walked over to his friend. Sirius sitting down allowed him to tower over him for once, though admittedly he wasn’t very intimidating. He refused to smoke like Sirius did, and overall didn’t have the muscular stature he did. He was the sort that if he got into a fight with a strong wind gust, the wind would end up victorious.

  
“Oh, nothing you need to concern yourself with, Rudolph.” This managed to pull a snort out of Remus and a quickly smothered giggle from Peter. Sirius looked quite proud.

  
“I am not a damn Reindeer.”

  
“Okay, _deer_ -y,” Sirius got up with his hands behind his back and before James had the time to process what was going on, Sirius had placed something on his head. Something that refused to come off. He pulled and pulled but it simply wouldn’t budge.

  
“What did you do, Sirius?” He glared up at his friend, but Sirius only cackled before transfiguring a pillow into another pen to tap against his chin.

  
“Check the mirror, Bambi,” Remus could barely contain his laugh as he looked away from James. James looked over to Peter who erupted into hysterics.

  
James dug through his bag before he got through their communication mirrors. He peeked at his reflection and was horrified to find that Sirius had stuck reindeer antlers onto his head, but it was worsened by the small red and silver ornaments stuck onto the prongs.

  
“Get it off.”

  
“If it makes you feel better, it looks like they could have grown out of your own head,” Remus teased before being met by the resounding smack of a throw pillow.

  
“Remus, I am not liking your attire. I mean, Bambi is already half-way there, but you Moony- well, I’m not getting real Christmas vibes from that sweater.”

  
“It’s a sweater! It’s the most Christmas-y thing on the planet!”

  
“No, it could definitely be improved, Jamesie, please do us the honors.”

  
James’ hazel eyes’ narrowed on Remus and flashed with vengeance. Remus’ eyes widened before he got up and began to back away toward the portrait hole. Sirius ran towards the portrait to block his way out.

  
James seemed to be deep in thought, thinking of all the ways he could get pay back for the antlers that he was almost sure were going to have to be surgically removed (because damn, they were _not_ coming off).

  
Remus tried to fight his way through Sirius’ defenses but was met with heavy resistance in the form of a hard punch to the arm and being very nearly thrown to the floor. Remus’ long legs kicked at Sirius, trying to knock him off his feet at least for enough time from Remus to get back up. Sirius was too fast and continued to dodge. He was too powerful.

  
Remus was just about to give up when James began walking towards him with a smirk on his face and his big deer eyes merely slits as he glared on.

  
He leaned down, his “evil face” being replaced by a much kinder smile, and placed a hand on Remus’ punched arm, before he grinned.

  
“Holy,” Sirius seemed to choke on his laughter, “holy shit, Rem. I couldn’t think up something like this even if I tried.”

  
The situation was already unpromising. But, when Remus looked down on himself, it was worse than he ever could have thought. The sweater almost seemed tie-dyed with green and red swirling around itself. Gold garland wrapped itself around the sweater, little lights blinked all colors of the rainbow. Teeny ornaments hung around the collar and plastic snowflakes decorated the wrist. A gold present bow sat on his left shoulder while an even bigger present-looking bow composed of tiny red and green ribbons sat on his right shoulder. An elf hat and elf ears were atop his head and his pants had been transfigured red. Overall, he looked rough, but when he tried to get upset, he could only laugh. He looked up, expecting Sirius to still be bent over laughing, but he was greeted with a slightly more concerning sight. Sirius now sported a Santa hat and a beard that could compete against Dumbledore’s when it came to length. and Peter was entirely in elf attire. But, that’s not what he was worried about. Rather, it was Sirius attempting to tickle a Christmas tree theme idea out of James. It’s not that this was particularly unusual, it’s that James was being particularly loud.

He would cackle, scream “STOP OR I’LL CRY!” and go on cackling some more all while glaring at whoever was doing it. He would then try to tickle the person back and fail miserably when he realized that they weren’t ticklish like a child- “TICKLISHNESS IS NOT CHILDISH, IT’S NORMAL! YOU ARE THE WEIRD ONES, NOT ME!”

“NO, I’M NOT HELPING YOU-” cackle, “YOU GOT HORNS STUCK TO MY HEAD-” cackle.

“You’re going to get us a noise complaint,” Remus groaned lying back on the floor, but his complaint was not heard as he was drowned out by Sirius.

“THIS IS A PROJECT, YOU _MUST_ CONTRIBUTE. Now, go be a good reindeer and sort out the tree.” Sirius ended it with a condescending pat on the head before getting up to bother Peter. James glared at his retreating back.

  
“Go do the tree wahhh wahhh wahhh,” James mocked under his breath as he walked over to the Christmas tree.

  
“Okay, Peter,” Sirius rounded on him, “you’re in-charge of refreshments- I want only the best, nothing less.” Sirius gave him a salute and Peter puffed out his chest as he returned it before- doing what could only be considered as- scampering out the common room as quickly as physically possible.

  
“See, Peter understands the importance of the Holidays.”

  
“Sirius, what are _you_ doing?” Remus said, coming to stand next to Sirius who had somehow found the time to change into a Santa suit.

  
“Monitoring, prepping my sleigh, eating, and looking hot, Remy dear.”

  
Before, Remus could ask what Sirius was talking about, the couch was transfigured into an enormous shiny blue, white, and silver sleigh. He had to give James props, he was quite good at finding a theme, and Sirius’ Santa outfit was turned blue to match it. Though, James left Remus’ horrific outfit in-tact. The arm chairs became a pale blue with silver embroidery running down it. The floor was changed to resemble an ice rink or a frozen over pond, but it still maintained the same texture as the previous floor. A menorah sat on the fireplaces’ mantle and stockings hung from magnetic hooks with snowmen attached to the top.

  
The different tables were all changed to be white and glass. All the throw pillows and blankets were made to be white and silver. A dreidel and chocolate gelt sat on the main coffee table and small pillows surrounded that (due to the couch-lessness). Snowflakes drifted down from the ceiling but dissipated before they landed on anything.

  
James seemed to be having too much fun, looking almost Matilda-esque as he waved his wand. The tree went from bright green to white and became covered in blue ornaments from the darkest sapphire to lightest periwinkle with silver acorns scattered about.

  
James sat inside the sleigh looking around proudly before Sirius kicked him out saying, “Reindeers fly the sleigh, not ride inside of it, silly goose!”

  
Remus summoned all the presents that Sirius had put into a huge mega pile- “it’s in my way, Remus! The people who put them under the tree so early are incredibly disrespectful!” “We’re over half-way through December-” “Shut up, Moonface.”

  
“Um… Sirius, there’s a slight issue.”

  
“No issue. No issue with my Christmas.”

“Big issue: Where’s Peter?” Remus asked.

“Huh?”

Peter had been gone for the past three hours doing Merlin knows what.

“Well, I’ll go check,” and with that Sirius transformed into Padfoot still wearing a now-smaller blue Santa suit. He trotted out as if nothing was strange. James watched him from his place sitting _in-front_ of the sleigh as he transfigured various random knick knacks around the common room into white star string lights.

“Okay, Potter- what in the bloody hell,” Lily Evans stood at the bottom of the girl’s dormitory stairs, surveying all the damage that had been done.

“Where’s the couch?” Marlene questioned, standing on her tiptoes to peek over Lily’s shoulder.

“‘M sleepin’ on it, Marls,” he said, his voice was slurred with tiredness- or maybe whiskey, who the hell knows what James was getting up to in-between his decorating exploits.

“Why not in it?”  
  
“No deer allowed,” he pointed to his antler issue.

“Wow,” Lily said looking mesmerized, “this is amazing, James.” James blushed at this, but quickly regained his “cool,” and brushed a hand through his wild black hair.

“You know what would be more amazing?”

“What?” Lily asked with slight amusement, already knowing what the question was going to be.

“A date with me.”

“Fine.”

“Huh?” At this James sat up staring at her with wide eyes and his head cocked slightly to the side. It wasn’t helping his “I’m not a deer, I’m a human, let me in the sleigh” case, but thankfully Sirius wasn’t there to witness it.

“You heard me, sometime after break.”

“Will do, Ev- Lily,” he said with a genuine smile which was soon replaced by a smirk, “well, I mean tomorrow we have to pack to go home.”

“Yes…”

“It’s going to be pretty hectic between partying and packing- I mean working and packing and y’know what if I don’t see you, you know… cause of the… chaos....”

“Hmmm…”

“So we should say our goodbyes now and we should hug and like-” Lily strutted over, kneeling down before kissing him. Her lips slightly brushed over his as she whispered, “you’re such an idiot,” in the most affectionate way possible. However, this sweet scene was soon ended by a dog in a Santa suit and a boy in an elf suit coming in carrying enough bags of food to feed a small country, or a large city.

  
“I- this is too weird. Like, hell, I thought a magic school was weird, but this is a whole new level.” Lily stood up, pushing her red hair behind her as she went upstairs leaving a gaping Marlene, a dog, an elf, a reindeer, and a poorly dressed bookworm.

“I was right about the present, Siri, I knew I’d have to give it to her.” Marlene could have sworn the dog smiled at James and that was enough to break her from her trance and have her retreating back up the dormitory stairs.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for how slap-together this was but I haven't had much time to be able to continue with, finish, and post my other stories and I was really itching to write this.


End file.
